You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
