I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
