So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
