Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
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As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
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If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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