He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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