Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
