I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
