I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize