I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
