Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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