i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
