Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
