from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
