I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
