I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
