his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
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