i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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