I think i peed on brittanys purse
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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