I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
did you just send me my own nude
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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