All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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