I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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