I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We're too hungover to prance.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
