Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
