oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
