I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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