There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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