he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
