May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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