She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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