I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
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It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
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This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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