I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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