her vagine was all disorganized.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
it hurts more in the daytime
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
pray to the hookup gods
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
