New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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