Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
