ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
