Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
