I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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