That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
