she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
