I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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