All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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