I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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