if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
