i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
tell me about the eggs
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
