I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
