just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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