I cockslap morals
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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