what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
