Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
