now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
