i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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