Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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