Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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