A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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