We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
