the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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