There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
