never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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