Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
