I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Im part way to drunk.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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