dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
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its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
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My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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