She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
