theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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