I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
