dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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