ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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