the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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