Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
