My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Randomize
