Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
