i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
