I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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